Needy toddler...

From: Anonymous

My one year old prefers me and will not let my husband do anything. I get stuck with ALL parenting duties and am exhausted. What do I do?
July 29, 2009 11:29 AM

Dr. Moms said...

Dear Anonymous, Because toddlers are very set in routines they frequently start to prefer one parent over the other to carry out certain duties. Developmentally, kids will cycle through phases within which they prefer one parent over the other. In their attempt to figure out the world, toddlers like for things to be done the same way over and over. If you usually pours the juice for your child, then when Dad goes to do it, he or she might cry and say “mommy do it.” Sound familiar? These are normal toddler tendencies, but parents should not play into their child’s preferences. In two parent households, parents should remain in control and represent to the children that they have equal billing. So when mom responds to a cry and the child demands “Daddy,” she can calmly say “Mommy is here and I am happy to help you.” Giving in to children’s parental preferences may threaten the balance of planned responsibilities. It also fails to teach children that either parent can meet any of their needs. Although our friend Meghan doesn’t work and her three kids spend the majority of their time with her, she and her husband have stood firm about representing themselves as equals and have not surrendered to their children’s momentary parent preferences. They joke about how when the kids cry out now in the middle of the night, they say “daddy” as much as they say “mommy.” Good luck!